Saturday, July 14, 2012

How To Survive A Horror Movie

How To Survive A Horror Movie was a TV show on Chiller. It was a show that was designed to give tips on how to survive if you find yourself in a horror movie situation. I really had high hopes for this show. It seemed like an awesome concept. Getting tips and then seeing the three hosts be put in those situations would be useful tips. However, this wasn't the case. The short segments before each challenge yielded good advice. Though I feel like a lot of it was common sense. If you're being chased by a killer, don't lock yourself away with no way out, find weapons, don't run so fast you over exert yourself, if you're friend is on fire smother them with a blanket. Stuff like that is common sense. Other things like, not pulling a knife out of your body, avoiding the center of the hallway, pepper spray on animals, if you're trapped in a coffin dig yourself out sideways, were good advice. Had they come up with several horror movie scenarios and had experts giving advice and their opinions, it would have been a far better show. 

The challenges were awful. The three annoying hosts used every opportunity to talk about how hot they were or how hot they thought each other were. We get it, you're hot. Obviously they failed to realize the over confident hottie always dies in a horror movie. The challenges did not really give you any advice or tips. You just had to watch three people eat really gross stuff or crawl around a rat cage. It was more like an episode of Fear Factor than anything else. 

What really bothered me, more than anything, was the zombie advice. I would like to know where they got their resident "zombie expert". First they started off the segment with advice. Advice any zombie fan already knows. Destroy the brain, have weapons readily available, etc.... Other advice wasn't that good. If you're bitten, try to stop the bleeding. You're better off just shooting yourself in the head then wasting anytime trying to stop the bleeding. You're just going to become a zombie anyways. Unless you really want to become a zombie. They also gave the advice of holing yourself up in an airport. At first it seems like a good idea. It would be easy to barricade with all of the fences, and watch towers, access to food and water. However, upon further thinking, it seems like a terrible idea. Large airports would be easier to get in to. Especially with a couple hundred zombies fighting their way in to get to the living. Also, wouldn't that be a hot bed of zombie activity? Think about it. You have the infected (whether they know it or not) trying to get in and out of certain areas. Flying out seems like a perfect way to get away from an area quickly. More quickly than driving on roads that would surely be congested with others who had the same idea. With all of the people travelling, going to work in an airport, or going to pick up friends and family, you would see a lot of the infected there. Now to the "zombie expert" (I use that term oh so loosely). His advice is as follows, gouge their eyes out so you can't see, try to wrestle them away, and fight them. Wrong, wrong, and wrong. First of all, gouging their eyes out does no good. It only puts you in danger. Their stronger senses are their hearing and their sense of smell. If they can see you, you're too close. Attempting to gouge their eyes out will only get you bitten. You never want to be that close to a zombies mouth. Never. As for wrestling a zombie. Do you really want to be rolling around with one? You'll either be bitten or scratched. As for hand to hand combat. You're going to attempt to fight a zombie? Good luck. If you are cornered by one and have no other options you do one of two things. You push them away from you, or take out their knees. Aim low. Ugh. I'm still really pissed about all of that zombie stuff.

My advice, if you have Chiller and want to watch this show, don't. If you were planning on watching this show through other methods, don't. It's a waste of time. 


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